So, Somethings never change!
But I guess its not that easy to understand once your sitting in the dirt.
I have been stabbed in the back so many times and yet I continue to strive for better things.
So family trouble is family trouble and apparently the way they are is the way they will be for a few more years. I wonder will things be better once my brothers all are out of the house? Will we be able to communicate and accept each other but most of all be able to accept the things that have happened and still are happening?
Well To day my mood was good, for once I woke up at a reasonable time and the sun was shining so we went for an early walk. We enjoyed it, the baby boy is getting so big and I love him sooo much.
The day was spent watching gossip girl, simply cause its an entertaining show to watch. Our evening walk was spent playing with puppys and big doggys Dino loved it. Tomorrow Ill meet one of the dog owners so the tiny doggy and my big doggy can get a chance to play.
Well then of course the drama, my other phone wouldnt stop ringing and it was a blocked number, so finallly I answered. Well I later made a phone call to discover that half truth has been spoken and as it can be when a person chooses to tell a story from stricktly their own perspective, they talk smack about the other person.
Seriously what is the problem with people accepting fault. When I tell a story at least I can stand my ground and say hey Im guilty and this is what happened. but not everyone can.
So I sent a message saying tell the whole truth or I will, certain people deserve to hear it, its about time.
Well as devestated as I was over everything that happened, I had no one to talk to who knows me and some of my past tragic events BUT the ex. So I tried calling him, cause he has been the one to hold me close and let his shoulder become soggy from my tears. But it was unsuccesfull, he answered and hung up, desperate to talk with tears falling I tried to send a message. BUT the promise he made me apparently went out the window when shit hit the fan. That is usually when everyone splits.
I hate that promises are not promises any more. Peoples words are becoming useless. Its one thing to speak out of anger, everyone says things they later wish they hadnt, but to be in a sane state of mind and not be able to hold the words to its end, is disgraceful.
What saddens me is that There is now No one in this world who knows my sorrows and can comfort me when in need. Im happy I have someone to talk to But really is that the same as loving someone and being able to be honest without being judged or analyzed.....
I want to say Ill never trust someone again, but I know I will. But what I am sure of is that I most deffinately wont let down that guard again cause You never know if someone is even worth that.
Its like the saying
" I dont build walls to protect myself, but to see who is brave and strong enough to climb over them"
So as for right now, Im sad and Im letting myself be sad.
Right now its just to much!
