Skåne veckan för psykisk hälsa

Enjoying lund before the RUS meeting
Sitting by the church studying and later some strengthening prayers

Att de äns begär det är oroväckande

I glow and your lies show

 

I has been great day, believe it or not, laying in bed and watching the darkness slowly become lighter, with a smile on my face and a warm cozy bed. well that was the start of it. having to make the trip into "town" on the other hand was not as much fun. thing went ok. But the best news came after I had come home and we me and th neighbor had gone for a walk, but before that...

 

So today I was informed, the news I received shocked me to the point that still 8 hours later, im emotionally dissapointed and hurt. I can not belive a person could lie like that, how can they live with themselves. Its painful and horrible. 

Im hurt and it saddens me, I have forgave him for stealing my things and running me over with a car but I will never forgive him for lying and using my past against me. There is a point of no return and that has been reached. I am the type of person to not hold grudges and things against a person cause it wasts to much of my energy and I try my best to live by that. I wish I could hinder the feelings im feeling cause I dont want to surrender to him. And I wont let him get to me or get me down, I pray that the truth will fly higher then lies. I pray that karma comes and gives what he has done him deserved of. I could and would NEVER treat a person the way he has me.

I wish I could say that love was blinde, but in this case there was no love to be blinded by. It was a loveless relationship with fysical and psychological abuse but im not one to press charges even though the 3 pictures I have speak for themselves, his secrets are safe with me, im not like him and I wont stoop to that level. Loosing my friends due to him was the only reason that relationship even was given the time it had. He made me feel like shit, a happy and bright young lady as myself deserves to feel love, deserves to feel sexy, pretty and thought of. When my apetite had been gone for 3 months I started to look for help, one day that phone call came and help was on the other line, after 2 months of talking and still no food, simply cause he called me fat far to much and to often, I got help to realise that this person was far from right for me. I dispiced him, diliked him and didnt love him, but felt obligated to.... Everyone else was in a happy relationship, everyone else wanted me to be happy. Im thankful that I realsed he was a waist of my joy, my presence my company my joy. This morning or actually in my dream last night, I came to realize a very very big but small thing.

I have always used "if" and distant "maybe" terms when being asked about a future. I never saw myself having a future with my exes and I think that manifests in my subconscious that always knew and always made a clear appearance in showing and telling that, that was the case, there was no future and would never be.

For the first time in my life, I have had that vision, of having a family with someone, that vision of spending the rest of my life being happy with a person who brings out the best in me. 

I hope Mr.A has the ability to realize just how special he is to me. Having everything I want in a man makes this still a bit of a dream, but I will fight for this love. I can see a future for the first time every. God waited to give me that gift, that vision, these feelings and these thoughts til I was susceptible to them. Im thankful for my life and my journey.

Now its soon dinner time- Yes =, my guardian angel you will be happy cause its gonna be homemade. 

Im so in love that everywhere I go, people tell me I glow, that has to be the best thing anyone could ever want to hear.

xoxox -Miss.j

Inte riktigt som du,

Kom och se,

The compliment i get the most is that i glow, either its due to the fall colors or its something about me.... Its great either Way 

Yummie

This is what poop look like

Keep On Believing - Danglin

So yesterday was an awesome day!

Morning with the Scouts

Up early to get on my bike and go to Rinnebäcks scouter gård to start on my path of being a scoutleader. It was simply amazing, the morning grew warm and the childrens knowledge grew deep. we had different exercises and children from all the schools I work at were there with smiles laughters and joy. There is no better start to a day.  In two weeks we are going for a trip, a two day sleepover with all the children, it will be beyond fantastic, being able to experience the joy of learning is what makes my life worth living. They are so passionate about learning once you capture their interest and that is something spectacular.After this adventure with the children age 6-7 I biked home to be greated by my beloved neighborhood kids.

Afternoon with the kids

I swear I have the best life, I just have to have the sun shining in my eyes to be able to trully see it. They are my strength and my drive to keep me going no matter what, I love them and cherish them tremendously, Im so blessed and thankfull for them. Well I had to get inside to take a shower considering that warm sun and that bike ride made me sweaty a shouwer was well needed. a few hours later, I open the balcony and the happy gang floated in. We had nail polish decorating (Im sooo not very good at it, but I try and try and they are so incuraging and understanding of my non profesional nail decorating skills) After and during the aseton headache there were new kids that visited and old and young once that laughted and talked, interested in the snakes they had tiger out and about passing him around and playing with him, and it was apreciated.

Dino has not yet learned to be calm, to relax, so he runs around, jumps bites and plays even though they children are not that interested in this large, jumping dog. But the do get a long well enough and if not he has a perfectly adorable cage where he likes to relax.

Evening with my love

The evening ended with Mr.A and I cooked dinner and  after a nice evening walk we made some popcorn for desert. My first experience cooking with a man. This team work is amazing, not once did anything have to discussed or talked about things went smoothly and the dinner was amazing. I seriously think that if your able to cook together in a relationship your able to stick together. Usually its ignorance that is the hinder or the will to try is lacking or the ability to work together but here its beyond amazing, simply floating along on the same cloud. I love the fact that he knows how to cook something but most of all something besides spagetti ...... There is this soul like connection between us and it is by far the deepest connection I have ever felt. All my wishes have been granted when it came to meeting this man. And he is just too lovable.

So today sunday,

So today studying is on the scheduled, gonna try to get some serious work done today and this week. To night the kids will come watch the snakes being feed and then they wanted to have a relaxing evening together with maybe a movie, games or simply talking, I bought some ice cream and we will see if they are interested in some, if not there is always popcorn.

Im in love and loving life!  I wont let that ex get me down, try to destroy me and you simply make me stronger, you have to accept, I dont love you, I never wanted you and its over, trying to through petty shit at me wont do a darn thing but make you look more and more like a fool. Im stronger and better then you, REMEMBER THAT!

xoxox - Miss.j