I has been great day, believe it or not, laying in bed and watching the darkness slowly become lighter, with a smile on my face and a warm cozy bed. well that was the start of it. having to make the trip into "town" on the other hand was not as much fun. thing went ok. But the best news came after I had come home and we me and th neighbor had gone for a walk, but before that...
So today I was informed, the news I received shocked me to the point that still 8 hours later, im emotionally dissapointed and hurt. I can not belive a person could lie like that, how can they live with themselves. Its painful and horrible.
Im hurt and it saddens me, I have forgave him for stealing my things and running me over with a car but I will never forgive him for lying and using my past against me. There is a point of no return and that has been reached. I am the type of person to not hold grudges and things against a person cause it wasts to much of my energy and I try my best to live by that. I wish I could hinder the feelings im feeling cause I dont want to surrender to him. And I wont let him get to me or get me down, I pray that the truth will fly higher then lies. I pray that karma comes and gives what he has done him deserved of. I could and would NEVER treat a person the way he has me.
I wish I could say that love was blinde, but in this case there was no love to be blinded by. It was a loveless relationship with fysical and psychological abuse but im not one to press charges even though the 3 pictures I have speak for themselves, his secrets are safe with me, im not like him and I wont stoop to that level. Loosing my friends due to him was the only reason that relationship even was given the time it had. He made me feel like shit, a happy and bright young lady as myself deserves to feel love, deserves to feel sexy, pretty and thought of. When my apetite had been gone for 3 months I started to look for help, one day that phone call came and help was on the other line, after 2 months of talking and still no food, simply cause he called me fat far to much and to often, I got help to realise that this person was far from right for me. I dispiced him, diliked him and didnt love him, but felt obligated to.... Everyone else was in a happy relationship, everyone else wanted me to be happy. Im thankful that I realsed he was a waist of my joy, my presence my company my joy. This morning or actually in my dream last night, I came to realize a very very big but small thing.
I have always used "if" and distant "maybe" terms when being asked about a future. I never saw myself having a future with my exes and I think that manifests in my subconscious that always knew and always made a clear appearance in showing and telling that, that was the case, there was no future and would never be.
For the first time in my life, I have had that vision, of having a family with someone, that vision of spending the rest of my life being happy with a person who brings out the best in me.
I hope Mr.A has the ability to realize just how special he is to me. Having everything I want in a man makes this still a bit of a dream, but I will fight for this love. I can see a future for the first time every. God waited to give me that gift, that vision, these feelings and these thoughts til I was susceptible to them. Im thankful for my life and my journey.
Now its soon dinner time- Yes =, my guardian angel you will be happy cause its gonna be homemade.
Im so in love that everywhere I go, people tell me I glow, that has to be the best thing anyone could ever want to hear.
xoxox -Miss.j
