strange,

Hate those days where even breakfast is hard to get in the mood to prepare, coffee is done (since 1 hr ago, probably taste great now) but I still haven’t poured me a cup nor grabbed a bite to eat. Why, the will or Do part, of me has left my soul for today, I do not know. Head seems cloudy and all I want to do is practice. So I’m going tonight.

        I’m burning a CD to my soul mate, a movie and a good cd and ill be sending it off as soon as its done. I guess that will force me to go outside and when I get back maybe ill have some brunch… I sure hope so. I know its wrong, I know I’m not suppose to skip breakfast or eat it this late, I take pills for my body to function which I’m also ignoring apparently  (and on a day when I’m gonna practice, gosh Jessica). The question I often ask my self is Why and How its possible to know something is wrong, so wrong and still not ‘care’ enough to do the right thing. Man I wish preaching and acting upon were chain reactions to one another!

    If only I had the energy this Lizard has especially today he is even playing with the cat ball we got him. The lizard is going crazy, trying to dig himself out of the glass cage he lives in. Seeing his own reflection in the side walls is like placing him on speed. The thing about this reptile is that he has Character. His head tilts to the sides as he’s curious, he wants his space at times, loves to play but he can also be overly energized. He runs and doesn’t stop for anything. Or he stops and doesn’t run for anything. He walks sideways to move but still keep and eye on whatever it is he is interested in and then he’s a statue.

  

They say Love gets you through everything and I say What’s life if you cant have love…

I think the meaning of life is all about love. To me Love has so many levels and they all involve joy, happiness and butterflies. My heart is quite large and I’m proud to say I love people and I show it. I can easily get attached to people who made an impression but its all on different levels. I have a soul mate, and not to name names he knows who he is by the mere description of him. I met him and instantly felt a connection. He is strong minded, powerful with words and most of all enlightening as you could not imagine. Every conversation gives my life that extra boost needed to get through life and more so those more challenging times. He helps me see what’s right in front of me, helps me realize the most important things in life and brings me down to a level in life where I feel better. This man got me to sit quietly in a tower while deer hunting, for hours. He echo’s in my head.

So now that I have had these thoughts, seen these words and even read them a second time, why cant I pull myself together. Sometimes the human mind stuns me. I know I have to study and god only knows how much I love studying this subject, but I cant seem to get to it. I think it has something to do with me trying to suppress my own reality that the fact is I have Never quit studying. I have gone from school to school to school and to be frank, this year was the first vacation I have had in years. I actually had 3 consecutive weeks where I had the opportunity to relax, but could I, did I….

if you just manage to reach ONE person, that’s enough

Going to practice, with a mist of rain that’s showing off all the beautiful coloured leaves the trees and bushes are about to shed.

Practice for me is a place for joy, a sense of relief and cooperation

You help people , people help you; keep your chin down, relax your shoulders, give a little more, you got it, keep it going, do it in one motion, keep your eyes up and open,

Today was a great day!

Standing waiting for the bus, one girl probably going home as well as a gentleman nicely dressed. We’re just standing there in the misty rain, as the buss arrives, I’m the last one on. We travel a few stops and I hear an old man say “going to Helsingborg”, he walks slowly but surly, as fast as his cement feet will carry him. The buss driver kindly waits to start driving as the man passes a few seats to sit down at the middle of the buss in a seat near the isle and door. He asks a kid with his head phones on,” does this bus take me to the central station”. The kid looking at the man looking at him removes his headphones and says “yes”. The man asks “is it soon” the kid doesn’t give a reply. I’m looking at a buss filed with people and not one looks interested in helping. I answer the man (of course) “its soon, we are getting off at the same stop so just wait”, I inform him its two more stops, tell him to remain seated as the buss is going to turn. The buss turns, the buss stops and I help him off, grabbing his hand to support the weight, the man holds a firm grip, I keep my arm and hand in place and walk with him. He starts to talk; he has lived in Helsinborg since 1951, raised in Lund but graduated a lawyer in Eslöv, Which he numerous times emphasises. I tell him we will most likely be on the same train so I walk with him in his pace and I’m selfishly thinking (will I make it in time, ill have to wait 40 min for the next train if I miss this one.) we go up the escalator we go down the escalator, I see the train and the doors almost about to close, I tell him” its this one” and rush to hold the doors, I help him on, and he thanks me for the assistance (It was a sure pleasure to have met this man). I find a seat in front of two teen kids with a backpack layng in front on two empty seats, I ask if it was taken the kid mumbled something and removes the backpack. I asked him what he said, he replies “just a bad joke”, I tell him I didn’t hear him and that bad jokes can also be funny. The man still has not sat down so for some reason keep an eye on him, the train rickshaws when it starts. Finally he sat down. (Thank god). Me and the kids begin to talk, both just graduated, one of them loves making money working in construction. The other is a student, studying something about soccer. They both say they don’t have nor need skills to perform their tasks and I as I always do turn it around, tell them of course they have skills; every task is unique and requires certain attention, focus, and skill. There is a bright side to every angel. They light up, the kids actually light up, happy as can be as if no one has ever told them they are skilled. Well my stop is there, I stand up and see a friend of a friend, we talk and I impolitely disregarded the kids (really wish I hadn’t, could have said bye) we talk, I walk to my next buss and she walks to her bike and we part. I get on the buss and there is a kid with his feet up on the seat, I stop, point and say, “you wouldn’t want to sit there”, he says “no” and takes his feet down. A woman comes with a stroller and the bus is at least 1foot away from the curb, I help her with the stroller.

   I see this as karma. I got to help at practice and in return got help and it spread with in me without even thinking about it, I helped others. The feeling of helping is unexplainable and usually unexpected.

     I’m a firm believer that ‘if you just manage to reach ONE person, that’s enough’. So here I am sitting, sweaty and sore which is an amazing feeling, about to jump in the shower then eat some of the “oceans goodies” on a sandwich with maybe some soup. I got to go, I smell like ligament (menthol)   and sweat.

Blender

So this is it, at least to start out with. Last night I bought my; missjessicaradtke.com ,blog site.

Since I'm new at this I don't really know where to begin but as usually (without sounding cocky) I get the hang of it in a jiffy.  

Given this is the first blog its gonna be a tit-bit long :-D , My logic is that the first readers need to get to know me a little in order to see where I'm coming from.

I'm crazy adventurous and creative,  with an ONGOING mind,, i stand up for my rights, my thoughts and others as well, i love to help people in all the ways i can. Family, and friends that are my family are very very very important to me!!!

I'm Italian German from my dad and Swedish from my mom. (I look like mom but I definitely have more of the dominating qualities from my dad, ain't it just crazy how you can see your parents qualities and features in yourself, ha-ha well I think it quite interesting)
I'm born in New Jersey, but lived in Sweden as a child (got my south accent here) and got to have my teenage years in Las Vegas more precisely Henderson. I moved at an age where it was easy for me to start over, so i have very very very limited memory's from living in Sweden. On October 10th 2007 I moved back to Sweden [leaving all i know, friends family, comfort , security and a big part of my self, the ability to communicate clearly due to the language barrier, etc ( what the who its a problem of its own) ] to give my self the opportunity to study. I was a workaholic before I moved and barely graduated because of it, I was young and learning my lessons on my own. being stubborn and independent as many teens are, i came to a few cross roads but thanks to my family and true friends I made it through, with the experience and lessons learned the hard way. Many I could have avoided if I had only listened to my parents! I would not be here if it wasn't for my family, nor would I be the person I am today! I owe them my life and will therefor spend the rest of my life giving, loving and forgiving just as they taught me!! I love you all so much mom dad Emil and Christopher!!! (oh and hunter the yuma king snake and the doggys roxy the rott and ozzy the lab)

So I'm right now patiently awaiting time to fly by so i can go to practice. Real-fighter in Lund (jupitergatan), now only is it the best club with the best staff and trainers at hand but they definitely provide the best work out and training. I love the sport, but I have to admit I do have some problems when it comes to actually hurting the other person, when its a must or I just get that spur of the moment feeling of " I want to FIGHT" its okay, but when its arranged, i feel like  I don't want to hurt them, on the contrary I love getting hit, it punches me to give it my all and kick some butt ( I know that sounds SOO crazy) I love the feeling I get right after practice. Clothes so dredged that I can literally squeeze sweat right out of them, bones & joints burning, face looks burnt not flushed. Even the bruises make me feel good. Well the only thing I  can say to sum the AMAZING feeling up is "Muay thai rocks" its definitely a work out, fit for a fighter. (But man do I want to learn some ground fighting, ha-ha being tiny its necessary , so i think at least)

   

  At this moment I'm sitting in our bedroom, you see now since we moved in together I have an amazing home. This bedroom is also a second living room, I'm  sitting in a sofa with weapons from the old century laying behind me on the sofa (its his) and an old old Russian table in front. I'm typing on the big screen with wireless keyboard and in the tab next to this blogger site I have my school lecture. which is 73 minutes long so, I'm having  trouble concentrating through the whole thing. 

I'm currently studying Forensic psychology part II ( A PASSION AND FUTURE CAREER ) and all my classes are at a distance, computer based. Ill be picking up a Philosophy course this month on the 21st as well and I'm so psyched. In about a year me and my boyfriend will be moving up to Gothenburg to study me my forensic psychology and him history

I spent the summer with my amazing boyfriend and working in home care for the elderly. It was a great experience However just as I thought going in to it , Its not my thing. I do admire the people who have the ability to endure the hours, the lifting, the pleasure and the emotional connections and separations. I get to attached and Im far to positive(saying you can do it, when they have given up), for this kind of job.

Since I moved to this new apartment I have neighbor kids (a whole bunch) that were at the time up to no good. And while I would enjoy the summer sun in my yard they would come around curious and friendly and well to cut it short sense they put their first foot in my apartment I haven't gotten rid of them NOR WOULD I EVER WANT TO. There's about 6 of them that are constant and about 10 + all together, the oldest might be 12,  youngest about 2. They love to pet and play with the reptiles, the Snake that's a  Lampropeltis triangulum hondurensis, . his name is Tiger, cus he looks like one, with the bright red orange and black colors. And the  lizard a Chinese water dragon, (he is green) whom does not really have a name yet, but it will come. We call him Rockstar, but I want his name to be Life and my hubby wants it to be kermit. ha-ha I want it to be a positive and joyful name.... But but, 

I have plenty of books bought from the library and games both card and board, an extra computer they play on, Creons and paper which meant I have plenty of drawings from the kids.They even make music videos. SO cute. Usually they behave great and play together nicely. I prefer to have the kids here playing and cooperating then out on the streets destroying and stealing things. One of the younger kids started associating with the older kids who are up to no good and that worries me. Since I have spent so much time playing, talking and baking and learning about their religions and ways etc, I decided I should try to get a job at a school or daycare. Since I don't have an educational background in either, it looked hopeless, but man was I wrong. I went to the school told them I'm interested in applying for a job handed in my papers and the next day I got the call. So I start next week!!!!!!!!!!! Its not the school the kids go to so they aren't thrilled but they are happy for me and I'm gonna apply at their school as well.

Not much has happened to day, besides one of the kids came and gave me snake he had knitted  in school, i finished my lecture, gonna get ready for practice, leaving in a bit. 

A good book for a long buss ride :-D cant get any better. It has rained today so its cozy outside :-D

Last night I helped the kids with their math homework and telling time, (which i find difficult to explain, but drawing on a real clock with colored markers made it a bit easier) me and the hubby grilled some Flintasteak make oven sliced potatoes and a salad to go along with it. While preparing we listened to Michael buble' and danced around in the apartment. I have found the best man in the world and I could not be happier.

SO here is my foundation, I think I managed to mix it all in a bit.

xoxox