Hate those days where even breakfast is hard to get in the mood to prepare, coffee is done (since 1 hr ago, probably taste great now) but I still haven’t poured me a cup nor grabbed a bite to eat. Why, the will or Do part, of me has left my soul for today, I do not know. Head seems cloudy and all I want to do is practice. So I’m going tonight.
I’m burning a CD to my soul mate, a movie and a good cd and ill be sending it off as soon as its done. I guess that will force me to go outside and when I get back maybe ill have some brunch… I sure hope so. I know its wrong, I know I’m not suppose to skip breakfast or eat it this late, I take pills for my body to function which I’m also ignoring apparently (and on a day when I’m gonna practice, gosh Jessica). The question I often ask my self is Why and How its possible to know something is wrong, so wrong and still not ‘care’ enough to do the right thing. Man I wish preaching and acting upon were chain reactions to one another!
If only I had the energy this Lizard has especially today he is even playing with the cat ball we got him. The lizard is going crazy, trying to dig himself out of the glass cage he lives in. Seeing his own reflection in the side walls is like placing him on speed. The thing about this reptile is that he has Character. His head tilts to the sides as he’s curious, he wants his space at times, loves to play but he can also be overly energized. He runs and doesn’t stop for anything. Or he stops and doesn’t run for anything. He walks sideways to move but still keep and eye on whatever it is he is interested in and then he’s a statue.
They say Love gets you through everything and I say What’s life if you cant have love…
I think the meaning of life is all about love. To me Love has so many levels and they all involve joy, happiness and butterflies. My heart is quite large and I’m proud to say I love people and I show it. I can easily get attached to people who made an impression but its all on different levels. I have a soul mate, and not to name names he knows who he is by the mere description of him. I met him and instantly felt a connection. He is strong minded, powerful with words and most of all enlightening as you could not imagine. Every conversation gives my life that extra boost needed to get through life and more so those more challenging times. He helps me see what’s right in front of me, helps me realize the most important things in life and brings me down to a level in life where I feel better. This man got me to sit quietly in a tower while deer hunting, for hours. He echo’s in my head.
So now that I have had these thoughts, seen these words and even read them a second time, why cant I pull myself together. Sometimes the human mind stuns me. I know I have to study and god only knows how much I love studying this subject, but I cant seem to get to it. I think it has something to do with me trying to suppress my own reality that the fact is I have Never quit studying. I have gone from school to school to school and to be frank, this year was the first vacation I have had in years. I actually had 3 consecutive weeks where I had the opportunity to relax, but could I, did I….
