I have noticed that this blogg really has come to stricktly be negative, I guess this is where I writte out my '' frustration''. Right now im wondering how it feels not to have anxiety or well since im wondering, I wonder what its like not to have a care in the world actually. Its frustrating how the body seems to flow in misterious ways.
It feels like im living in an endless to do list. But worst of all what I have come to realize is that I have been begining to do less of what I want less of what is me and focus more and more on others, their needs their perspective. If I want something done and I know someone else might enjoy doing it as well I wait, and I tell, and I wait and so it continus it feels like a constant nagg. Im Not happy with myself or who I have become because that one thing I really liked was Me and im partly gone.
It seems as every month passes by im changing and loosing. Ive lost who I was and who I was sattisfied with. Ive changed and im not liking it one bit. So the question is, How can I, knowing this, continue in and on this path? And I guess the actuall peroblem is that I cant even answer that question or well if I try I bet I can come up with some excuse but I really dont believe that is its the actual problem solution or cause.
Excusses, its crazy how many there are and how quick they can be draged out of our minds.
I see Now that the reason this blogg has come to be a place where I assume the technical term in 'bitch out' is due to the simple explenation, that when life is going good, when I dont encounter problems I feel like I do enough sharing, But when something negative appears im all alone! This mjr as my angel calls it is probobly a silent cry at times. Im hope this builds my charachter to the good cause where i am right now in my life, is deffinately the complete opposite.
I realize I frown which I did very seldonly before, I nagg and I complain I bitch and I moan. It feels like Im not even thankful unless, it feels like im being tested.
I guess after loosing so many times in life all that positive energy that got me through it and got me here has said '' well Iv'e done mine, you figure it out from here''.
Ive lost it, ive lost me, well considering I dont exist and all my problems are benign I dont really know what im writting about.
Feeling lost is a horrible feeling, being alone they say is horrible (I never did find it to be a problem At all) But they also say being alone when your two is worse. So considering that only half of that satement is true to ME, I guess being alone when you are two sucks, and honestly it does!
I dont know how its possible to get past that in a successful manner.
Some people spend their life running, running from life, running from situation, from conversations, from the unknown, the challenges the rough, the bad the ugly and others like me find it all intriguing and try to figure out why others run.
