Early in my life my father and mother established values.
One of the many saying my father used to say was “family is the most important thing in the world, friends will come and go and only time will show you who your true friends are, but your family will always be there for you” whether I knew I needed them whether I wanted them there or not in my teen rebelliousness THEY WERE ALWAYS THERE.
I have friends that have been there for me when I needed them the most, they are few, I would say a hand full but they are TRUE friends, who I have stood in battle with who I have told me the cold hard truth in moments of desperate need who have given me a warm hug when I needed. But all those dear friend and my family are so tightly intertwined that not even my naïve eyes could tell them apart.
Its part of being a child, rebelling, and seeking independence seeking your “self” unknowing it will take several decades to find who you think you are or who you are going to pretend to be for a while.
I’ve been betrayed ample times in my short life but to be honest the betraying has come from “friends” My family; my big big family has always taken me in, no matter how harsh my statements and words in fury and frustration have been. They were there when I calmed down. They believed me when no one else did. They listened to my coded talks when no one else had time. They in moments of silence made more sense to me then all literature ever possibly could. As I’ve grown I have met a lot a lot a lot of people. So of who have provided me with aha moments some who have provided me with days week’s months and soon to be almost a year of aha.
Running away
(Im so thankful for everyone who gave me that second chance in life, THANK YOU!)
When times are rough and you need someone desperately, you will find out who your friends are. Some of my both horrific and most memorable impacts have been when I was a teen filed with raging hormones, emotions hard to handle and a move cross the continent which I hated and loved at the same time something so confusing that I and my best friend ran away. We both had self proclaimed teen difficulties and in the spur of the moment we wanted freedom. So instead of asking we took it. We ran away, not very far but we did it a week in Las Vegas. We went to one of the only places a teen would know to go to where the police wouldn't care about us. Circus circus. We some how not only managed to live a week but we made it out a live after that week. Now with my more knowledgeable eyes I see, understand and feel horrible for what I put my parents through. How many kids have lost their lives by doing something this STUPID, how many kids haven’t gotten seriously hurt kidnapped or just simply “disappeared”. When I came home which was because the police thank God saw us, found us walking in a not so good neighborhood on the Las Vegas strip, due to an anonymous called had reported us being there, and apparently this dear soul was worried. More to that story but it’s between me and my best friend.
Heart
For many years, I had trouble breathing, said it was pains in my heart. The doctors dismissed me with numerous symptoms, I was a young girl growing and “it wasn’t that bad” so they said. Every week my heart gave me breathing difficulties, my mom believed me and did what she could to try to force the doctors to do something about it, or just take a look. Well they didn’t. My heart would beat (well race) and I could feel my chest throbbing with my hand and everyone else’s for that matter, it could last 5 minutes it could last hours it was unpredictable. So many try's of going to the ER at the feeling of this but as soon as I neared the hospital it was done, over had stopped. Well one day, five years with this shit and my mom’s determination, we went to the hospital, the hocked me up to a machine and it was racing 210 beats per minute, no wonder I couldn’t breathe. Well the next day I had a surgery, this was a few days after my birthday and I was certain this was the end. I said goodnight to my parents and a few hours later I said thank you for saving my life to the doctor and good morning to my mom. My heart surgery and problems are not anything I like bringing up, cause it did and has still created problems for me in was a human could not even imagine unless you gone through it yourself. But the point it that family was there for me
Grandma and the godfather
When I decided I wanted an education and my options were very very very limited, I made the decision to move back to Sweden after being so many years apart and away. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but since I was young and dumb I had taken on a house and apartment and jobs at a very young age and continued with them while going to high school, just as you can predict school was the thing that suffered immensely. I had lived the fast growing Las Vegas city life and I knew how hard it was to get somewhere. I had no free ticket and there was very little hope for this city girl. I dragged myself and my family through a tremendous amount of shit when I was young. But with my family, friends, guardian angels and god on my side I made it through. I knew what I wanted to be I just had to find the road to get me there. I sent a letter to my grandma asking if it was possible for me to move in with them for a while until I got on my feet. It didn’t take long till that letter returned with good news, I could stay with them. As soon as I got that answer the ticket was booked and a few months later I moved. As soon as I arrived, a rose in my grandmas hand with my grandpa beside, all of us filled with emotions, (thank god they spoke and speak English). It did not take long until my uncle my godfather came down from Stockholm to help me enroll in school. He gave me information and showed me around. I could not have gotten a more perfect start to a new life.
Now here I am, on my way to becoming a forensic psychologist, still with my FAMILY and true friends by my side.
I’m lucky,
Time has shown me
That no matter the distance,
No matter the fights,
The opposite of opinions or the disagreements.
Family is not simply blood thick, but with time you will know who they are and where they are and where they stand.
I’ve been blessed with the ability to forgive those who have wronged me, and love those who I have wronged. I now know that love is always there, but love for one another you have to open your eyes to see, to feel, to have and preserve, in order to retain.
Thank you all for providing me with the love i needed to get through those hard times. I hope you find it in your heart to do the same for others
