I swear feeling like everyone gets it when you don't (and on the inside you know its not really true).
It really really sucks. So to day in the middle of a hectic week, work today and meeting with the fantabolous Philosofy group (Which was awesome, considering my other class the only interaction we have is via PC its great to talk to people about things), i got work tomorrow again at the school (Which is AMAZING, thank god for that) and i got to study for the exam on thursday and the case report due on monday. I have to read about a few houndred pages and one book, oh and this is imprtant things to remember to, its nor a book of choice where i can choose my perspective, nope, here i got to learn and remember, which is lovely when stress isn't a factor. But what to do what to do.
Honestly im so lost i dont know where to start, where to prioritize and where not to.
My head is spinning and i cant make it stop, i need something to calm me down desperately.
Do i start with the exam well yes jessica its important, BUT the case is in a group and I cant NOT do my part of the one thing im deeply deeply interested in. Dont get me wrong Philosofy rocks! But i want crime and solving.
Talk about solving, Failing that test, well its my own fault. He said I explained to much, I gave to many of the variable answers. Honestly I thought i gave him what he asked, but there is the perspective kicking me in my ass. And I have a second chanse in the begining of December, NOW THAT SUCKS, i dont have time to study three courses all at once, serioucly with two jobs, im happy im still alive.
Things have changed tremendously the past few months, dont get me wrong its been great, but (yes of course a but) when things were like they were before, I was more focused ON ME. Now im serioucly not able to do so at all. And that too I my own fault, my problem, my worries. I just wish I could fix them.
Priority, ability, focusing and doing...... Gosh, everything just seems so difficult and I know i drag it on myself.
Like the kids, I will not, not now not EVER, deny them entry, help , assistance or a lending ear. I'm here for them and if I fall behind I did some serious slacking. I need to get things going MY way, Not that I know what way that is, nor will I for many many years, and I can say I'm quite eager to get there.
